OMG! UR L337!

        I love Facebook.  I really, truly do.  It's the easiest way for me to admire this putrid river of stupidity humanity has become without the risk of being infected.  It's an absurd circus of idiocy that provides us with front row seats.  You want to troll these troglodytes?  Tell them Facebook's going to charge them.  The ignoramuses react as though our alien overlords have targeted them for extermination.  Better yet, tell them changes are being set in motion that will take 15 seconds to learn.  The response?  "HOLY SHIT!  LET'S BOYCOTT FACEBOOK UNTIL THEY CHANGE IT BACK!"

     My favorite little Facebook trend is these half-literate twits who "hack" other people's accounts.  Now, I use the term HACK in the loosest manner possible.  Ninety-eight percent of these morons barely have a functioning brain, let alone a basic understanding of the English language.  I highly doubt any of them are even aware that hacking something such as a website requires a lot more than your dumbass buddy leaving himself logged in.  To me, saying you hacked someone's account means you took the time to learn the inner workings of the internet and bypassed everything that keeps the casual internet jackass out.  But anyway...

     We've all stumbled across someone's open account.  Hell, on account of myself, my mother still enjoys midget porn and my aunt (God rest her soul...) had an image of two camels fucking as her profile picture.  HILARIOUS!   That's quality profile tampering there.  Every other example of profile alteration?  Not so much. 

     I can't count how many times I've logged in to see "HACKED BY *insert stupid college girl's name here*!  <3 U GURL!" or "I like penis"splattered across my news feed.  It's this kind of stirring originality that makes me wish I could legally throw my feces at people.  It's like people keep this ever-so-intriguing crap copied, just waiting for a chance to paste that shit into the status update box.  If these are the brilliant minds of the future, I think we can all agree we can expect a future copied and pasted from Wikipedia.

     So for all you "hackers" out there:  IF YOU'RE GONNA FUCK WITH SOMEONE'S STUFF, USE WHAT LITTLE BIT OF BRAIN YOU POSSESS THAT HASN'T BEEN DESTROYED BY CHEAP BOOZES AND CHEAPER DRUGS AND DO SOMETHING ORIGINAL!

     This has been the Voice of Reason, and remember:  spay and neuter your neighbors.

Inaugural Attack!

     The human race.  A bizarre lot we are.  Millions of years of evolution (or intelligent design if you're of the religious persuasion) have brought us from the primordial ooze to the flagship species of Planet Earth.  And for what?  Take a moment to think about what you accomplished today.  You woke up, scratched your balls/lady parts, took a leak, brushed your teeth and headed off to work.  You suffered silently for eight or more hours, and at quitting time, made a mad dash to your beat up mechanical heap you call a car.  On your way home, you no doubt went the through the McDonald's drive-thru because no one in their right mind wants to cook for themselves these days.  When your arduous trek home was finally over, you turned on your television or laptop, wolfed down the cheap bag of fat people consider food, and then turned your brain off by watching TMZ (that's still trendy, right?) or laughing at the idiots that have taken over various social networking sites.  After a few hours, you will crawl into bed and drift off to sleep so you can stay awake behind the wheel while driving to your soul-crushing place of employment the next morning.

     This is what our race has earned?  A life of brainless meandering?

     If you want to get the perfect grasp of what humanity's devolved into, one must look no further than its various forms of social interaction.  Instead of getting the gang together and hitting the bar, we log in to Facebook.  Instead of calling up a friend to see what they're up to, we look to Twitter.  I wanted to throw MySpace into this blog entry, but who the fuck uses that worthless site anymore?   We've replaced social convention with the "beauty" of technology.  Don't misinterpret my point here.  I believe that Facebook and Twitter have amazing potential as a social tool.  The problem with how they are currently used is that instead of augmenting normal human interaction, they completely undermine it.  During the span of my day, I hear "Did you see what *insert name here* posted on Facebook?" at least a dozen times.  What the hell happened to actually talking to people?  Instead, we've forced ourselves into this routine of avoiding actual contact and instead fill our social needs via the internet. 

     If communication doesn't occur online, we reach for our cellphones.  Can you recall the last time you used your phone to make a call?  Unless you've ordered a pizza or a cheap escort recently, you probably can't.  Why?  Because it's easier to text.  Now, is it just me, or is reading your run-of-the-mill text message like trying to read a note from a three fingered monkey with Parkinson's?  The average text message has more spelling errors than a book written by dyslexics. 

   Speaking of devolving, this entry has done just that.  Moral of the story:  Walk away from the internet.  Put away your overpriced texting apparatus.  Open your mouth and SPEAK.

   This has been the Voice of Reason.  Thanks for reading.